Moms continually express a sense of emptiness, even though they love their children dearly and would never give up motherhood. Why is this the case? And what can they do about it?
I want to read you something that I read in a Facebook group this week. I keep running across this problem that moms are having and it was just fascinating to read this in an actual post. She says:
“My heart is heavy and fills anything but warm. What can I do to help my desire to learn increase? In my mind I feel like I have a desire but my actions don’t show it. I don’t allow myself time to read for fun or sit and play the piano for fun. I feel like I’m forcing myself to do it. I read to my kids and play good music in the background and do things for them but I’m missing the lead by example.”
She goes on to explain that she’s tried a few different programs but they’re not working. They’re not instigating that desire to learn and grow that she’s longing for. Now, she happens to be a homeschooling mom who’s kind of going through the motions. She posted this in a Facebook homeschool group. Unfortunately, there was reply after reply after reply saying things like:
“Oh, thank you for having the courage to post this.” Or, “I feel the same way.” One woman said, “You know, I’m in my sixth year of homeschooling and I’m less excited than I was at the beginning because I feel burned so out.”
It reminds me of one of the women that was in our MDM Academy test group. She did a video for the MDM Academy page and one of the things that she said in her video was that she had been in bed and depressed and hadn’t been able to get up. She loved her kids and loved her husband and and loved her life but couldn’t figure out what was wrong until she realized that she was missing purpose.
What these moms don’t see (which is the message I hope to get out to the world) is that we have great intentions and we’re good women and we love our children but if we don’t have some kind of overarching purpose we aren’t going to be happy. Going to heaven can of course be a good purpose–and that’s why we obey God and that’s why we try to do good things with our families. But these women won’t love themselves and take time for themselves. They don’t even feel like that’s a valid thing to do.
They don’t understand why it would be so important to do that for their families and especially for themselves!
These mothers are starting to see that their excitement for learning is being eroded and they’re not setting that example for their children and they just can’t figure out why! They don’t know how to pick themselves up and make things different.
It’s through purpose– it’s through life mission–that they can turn back on fire!
You can only tap into life mission when you’ve tapped into your passions. And you can only tap into your passions when you are loving God and yourself properly. And when you are engaging in self-discovery activities and rediscovering yourself and seeing all of the cool things that you could contribute in the world. We love our families and we want to contribute in our homes.
We work really hard at doing that but when there’s no space for us or our needs or our self-discovery then that desire decreases and sometimes can lead to depression.
Now this moms post is clearly a tribute to what incredible mom she is. Yet, she’s not leading by example and she wants to, She wants her children to know why learning is important and why learning is fun and create that culture in her home. BUT SHE DOESN’T HAVE A WHY behind what she’s doing when she gets up every morning. So that passion isn’t there!
I could read you quotes from Danielle Taylor and Stephen Covey and Tom Rath and many others who have the same message for us. What these men say is that while most people think that what they want is happiness, which in modern terms happiness equates to comforts, what we really need, what’s really going to make life worthwhile and make us want to get up in the morning is PURPOSE. Viktor Frankl agrees with them. Listen to what he says:
“What man actually needs [including women and moms] is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for a worthwhile goal, a freely chosen task. What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost but the call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him.”
“The call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by us…” is what The Mission Driven Mom is all about!
This is why it’s so important that you start seeking life mission because otherwise you’re setting this ineffective example. What you’re really saying to your kids is that even though we live in this free nation, even though we have all the comforts of life and even though we go out and do these service projects–we’re still depressed, we’re still unfulfilled, we still don’t love learning.
That’s why you need a WHY!
It’s going to get you out of bed; it’s going to get you on fire; it’s going to get you creating a mission driven environment at home. This is the key to getting your children on fire and your husband on fire to also find a fulfill their purpose.
That is my message for you today! I want you to really spend some time thinking about why you want to get up in the morning, in addition to loving your children. As yourself what unique contribution you can make.
What are you learning for? What’s meaningful to you? Because it’s wonderful to study the stuff for the kids or whatever it might be but you need to tap into your own passions and get on your own mission path so that you can set that example. And so that you can fulfill the work that God has for you to do.
Of course, we’re not going to do this at the expense of our kids we’re going to put motherhood first but God really does have a call for you that’s waiting for you to discover and fulfill if you will prepare yourself!